Three hours. Exact three hours since it's
over.
Thomas and I met on a formal ball City Hall. I confess I was not too
happy to go, but my mother simply gave me what I like to call "THE
LOOK" and I did not even argue, even if the event was attended almost
entirely with the elderly. When I saw him, in the midst of a sea of elegant
dresses and suits, dressed even more elegantly, without losing a jovial detail,
a modern and secure posture, there I knew we would be destined to cross, to be
part of story of one another. God, I was not wrong, but at that moment I could
not imagine the consequences that day would have on my future.
I shook my head trying not to think about it, it was better to
focus on how to tell Norman (my best friend) what had happened, he was not
responding to my messages, not after our fight, but I hoped the recent events
would change his mind. I saw that he was online, had to act fast, he used to go
offline once he saw that I was also connected.
Me:Hi
He visualized, but did not answer.
Me:How are u???
I tried again, but nothing.
Me: I spent the last hour packing my
CDs on the shelf, they were getting dusty in the back of the closet. I just
found that one of the Beatles that you gave me for Christmas. I'm writing this
by listening to Here Comes the Sun
He loves Beatles as much as I do, it had to work.
Norman (John Green): I thought you had tired of them.
Of course, his name was not John (as one of our favorite teenage authors), but I'd put his profile name on the "Green" surname, even though I knew Norman was not related to the novelist."Sad, really," my best friend would say whenever he remembered.
Me: How can one get tired of them ??? They are perfect.
Me: Speaking in perfection, how is Mike??? And Lucy????
Talking about Mike was a good way to get into the subject of dating, Norman loved to talk about him. They had been dating for more than a year, overcoming many prejudices. Mike was an incredible person, any girl's dream, I must say. Captain of the baseball team (football is too cliché for our small, quiet Rogers, Indiana), a beautiful smile, manners of an English gentleman. They are perfect together. I remenber when Thomas and I were like this, or at least when I saw ourselves like this.
And Lucy, is so stranger for me talk about she with someone who not meet her, we are friends so long, which makes anyone who knows me knows her too. We were like Iko and Cinder from the Lunar Chonicles. So one day we met Norman and since this day we are like The Golden Trio.
Norman (John Green): He's fine. She too. We are all fine. How's Whells ???
Norman (John Green): ...
Norman (John Green): Really ????
He comes to support me, I thought smiling, even with our fight he comes.
*
And Lucy, is so stranger for me talk about she with someone who not meet her, we are friends so long, which makes anyone who knows me knows her too. We were like Iko and Cinder from the Lunar Chonicles. So one day we met Norman and since this day we are like The Golden Trio.
Norman (John Green): He's fine. She too. We are all fine. How's Whells ???
Me: Probably bad. We broke up
Norman (John Green): ...
Norman (John Green): Really ????
Me: Yep.
Norman (John Green): I am there in twenty minutes. Maybe more, I´m going get Lucy.
He comes to support me, I thought smiling, even with our fight he comes.*
We were in the living room of my house, fighting, which had happened frequently since I started dating Tom. But never like that.
- If you're so happy then why did you hide all your CDs in the back of the closet ?!!! - Norman screamed.
"I did not hide, I just got tired of them," I said in the same tone.
- Oh really? So this has nothing to do with the fact that Whells asshole has had ridiculous Beatles and gay things ????
-You always talk like that about Tom, it always makes him look wrong, so it maybe that no one notices you and Mike are in trouble. - I even said knowing it was wrong, he and Mike had twice discussed that month which was a lot for them.
-I do not know what you saw in this idiot, he's distancing you from us, look what you're doing, how long we did not go out together, I you and Lucy, - he said in a tone of hurt.
-I do not know why you have this need to blame everything on Tom, I do what I want, - I said crossly.
-So you tired of going out with your friends, tired of listening to your favorite songs, your favorite clothes, how funny I think I had hear Thomas complaining of all this !
-Yes, I'm tired of all this, especially you and Lucy getting into my life and looking for a fault in everything Tom does - I said coldly.
-Okay, so I'm leaving - he said irritably.
At the time I regretted it, tried to send messages, but he and Lucy did not answer, I was alone, I had no friends, I had only Tom.
*
- If you're so happy then why did you hide all your CDs in the back of the closet ?!!! - Norman screamed.
"I did not hide, I just got tired of them," I said in the same tone.
- Oh really? So this has nothing to do with the fact that Whells asshole has had ridiculous Beatles and gay things ????
-You always talk like that about Tom, it always makes him look wrong, so it maybe that no one notices you and Mike are in trouble. - I even said knowing it was wrong, he and Mike had twice discussed that month which was a lot for them.
-I do not know what you saw in this idiot, he's distancing you from us, look what you're doing, how long we did not go out together, I you and Lucy, - he said in a tone of hurt.
-I do not know why you have this need to blame everything on Tom, I do what I want, - I said crossly.
-So you tired of going out with your friends, tired of listening to your favorite songs, your favorite clothes, how funny I think I had hear Thomas complaining of all this !
-Yes, I'm tired of all this, especially you and Lucy getting into my life and looking for a fault in everything Tom does - I said coldly.
-Okay, so I'm leaving - he said irritably.
At the time I regretted it, tried to send messages, but he and Lucy did not answer, I was alone, I had no friends, I had only Tom.
*
Thomas drove fast, very fast, and every time I asked him to slow down, he accelerated more.
-Tom, slow down, please! You don't have to run so much.
-I'm already doing you the favor of hitchhiking, stop complaining," Thomas said irritably.
-You would not have to give me a ride if you let me go back with Norman and Lucy. -I said as I watched the rain fall outside the car. It seemed that the world was ending, both inside and outside.
-I thought you and those weird friends did not talk to you anymore.
-It was just a little discussion, nothing too serious. -I lied, ignoring the fact that he had called my friends weirdos.
-Well, that's a shame, I'd rather have you away from that gay man.
Okay, that was too much, I always knew he did not approve of Norman's relationship with Mike, but I never thought he would say it so openly. Who does he think he is to talk like that to my friends ???
-Stop the car. -I said without looking for him.
- What? -he said indignantly.
-Stop the car - she said more decisively. -I'm going down.
-But ... it's raining.
-I don't care -he said coldly. -I don't want to be around you anymore.
- Natalie ...
- STOP THE SHIT OF THE CAR - I screamed
-Okay - he said in the same tone.
Thomas stopped the car and looked at the rain and stood there waiting for me to leave. I knew him well enough to know that he thought I was not going to leave, so I did not have to look back to know he was shocked when he saw me getting out of the car, but I must confess that I was shocked when he came after me , but I did not stop walking.
-NATALIE -he shouted, but only when we were almost around the corner did I turn.
- WHAT IS IT???? -I shrieked in the rain.
- What do you think are you doing ?!
-Who are you think you are to talk to me like that? Who are you think you are to talk like that about my friends? -I answered, still not turning to face him.
- I am your boyfriend. What's got into you to talk to me like that? To start defending your weird friends? To make this scandal in the middle of the street?I'm already doing you the favor of hitchhiking, stop complaining,
-They're not freaky, they're amazing. And know this would not be happening if you had not started! Finally, I turned, already soaked. The huge drops of water hit my skin, my face, as if they were thousands of ladybugs crashing against me, but I almost did not notice, my anger inhibited my senses.
-Stop talking like that if you do not want me to break up with you -Thomas threatened, as much as I did.
-You know, maybe I want you to break up with me, after all, we're so different. I'm so wrong for you, isn't no? You want me to be the perfect girlfriend, you want a trophy to display around, but guess what, I'm not your possession. I'm not going to change everything about myself just because Thomas Whells wants to.
"You do not know what you're talking about," he said with his lower lip trembling, probably in anger, or perhaps in fear of what would follow.
- I know yes, I know that since when I started dating I'm no longer the same, I retired my red lipstick because you think ugly, I stopped wearing high heels because I can not be taller than you, I fought with my friends, you made me forget who I was before I kissed you.
-Is that what you really think? I do not care, you will not be able to be without me, you'll come back begging forgiveness.
After saying that, he got in the car and started, leaving as fast as he could and leaving me alone in the rain. After watching the car leave, I turned and went home, I was determined to forget my version of "Thomas Whells Girlfriend",
*
It was a shock to see him there, it was what I least expected, could not be true. My biggest fear came true that perfect night. Not knowing what to do, I decided it was best to focus on what he was saying.
-I knew you'd change your mind -he said with conviction. -Just did not know it would take so long.
-I have not changed my mind -I said dryly. And it was true. I will never change who I am for a man. Now I understood that the Feminist Movement was not only in favor of women's rights, but also against the idea that the "fragile sex" has no right to choose how to dress, how to speak, how to act.
-Now tell me how you knew I'd be here, this is scary, were you stalking me? -he said ignoring me. -And why are you dressed like that?
-I have the right to dress as I see fit, and if you did not notice, I owe you no more satisfaction. Don't worry, Tom, I didn't come to beg for you.
-So, you still don't want to admit how much you missed me?
-Do you really want to know that? -he nodded. - Well I thought it would hurt, that I would miss you, but I did not feel. Maybe it's because I missed me more.
And after that I turned to my friends and continued to dance as if nothing had happened, and that's when I realized what I said was not just to attack him, I really missed me more.
-Tom, slow down, please! You don't have to run so much.
-I'm already doing you the favor of hitchhiking, stop complaining," Thomas said irritably.
-You would not have to give me a ride if you let me go back with Norman and Lucy. -I said as I watched the rain fall outside the car. It seemed that the world was ending, both inside and outside.
-I thought you and those weird friends did not talk to you anymore.
-It was just a little discussion, nothing too serious. -I lied, ignoring the fact that he had called my friends weirdos.
-Well, that's a shame, I'd rather have you away from that gay man.
Okay, that was too much, I always knew he did not approve of Norman's relationship with Mike, but I never thought he would say it so openly. Who does he think he is to talk like that to my friends ???
-Stop the car. -I said without looking for him.
- What? -he said indignantly.
-Stop the car - she said more decisively. -I'm going down.
-But ... it's raining.
-I don't care -he said coldly. -I don't want to be around you anymore.
- Natalie ...
- STOP THE SHIT OF THE CAR - I screamed
-Okay - he said in the same tone.
Thomas stopped the car and looked at the rain and stood there waiting for me to leave. I knew him well enough to know that he thought I was not going to leave, so I did not have to look back to know he was shocked when he saw me getting out of the car, but I must confess that I was shocked when he came after me , but I did not stop walking.
-NATALIE -he shouted, but only when we were almost around the corner did I turn.
- WHAT IS IT???? -I shrieked in the rain.
- What do you think are you doing ?!
-Who are you think you are to talk to me like that? Who are you think you are to talk like that about my friends? -I answered, still not turning to face him.
- I am your boyfriend. What's got into you to talk to me like that? To start defending your weird friends? To make this scandal in the middle of the street?I'm already doing you the favor of hitchhiking, stop complaining,
-They're not freaky, they're amazing. And know this would not be happening if you had not started! Finally, I turned, already soaked. The huge drops of water hit my skin, my face, as if they were thousands of ladybugs crashing against me, but I almost did not notice, my anger inhibited my senses.
-Stop talking like that if you do not want me to break up with you -Thomas threatened, as much as I did.
-You know, maybe I want you to break up with me, after all, we're so different. I'm so wrong for you, isn't no? You want me to be the perfect girlfriend, you want a trophy to display around, but guess what, I'm not your possession. I'm not going to change everything about myself just because Thomas Whells wants to.
"You do not know what you're talking about," he said with his lower lip trembling, probably in anger, or perhaps in fear of what would follow.
- I know yes, I know that since when I started dating I'm no longer the same, I retired my red lipstick because you think ugly, I stopped wearing high heels because I can not be taller than you, I fought with my friends, you made me forget who I was before I kissed you.-Is that what you really think? I do not care, you will not be able to be without me, you'll come back begging forgiveness.
After saying that, he got in the car and started, leaving as fast as he could and leaving me alone in the rain. After watching the car leave, I turned and went home, I was determined to forget my version of "Thomas Whells Girlfriend",
*
It was a shock to see him there, it was what I least expected, could not be true. My biggest fear came true that perfect night. Not knowing what to do, I decided it was best to focus on what he was saying.
-I knew you'd change your mind -he said with conviction. -Just did not know it would take so long.
-I have not changed my mind -I said dryly. And it was true. I will never change who I am for a man. Now I understood that the Feminist Movement was not only in favor of women's rights, but also against the idea that the "fragile sex" has no right to choose how to dress, how to speak, how to act.
-Now tell me how you knew I'd be here, this is scary, were you stalking me? -he said ignoring me. -And why are you dressed like that?
-I have the right to dress as I see fit, and if you did not notice, I owe you no more satisfaction. Don't worry, Tom, I didn't come to beg for you.
-So, you still don't want to admit how much you missed me?
-Do you really want to know that? -he nodded. - Well I thought it would hurt, that I would miss you, but I did not feel. Maybe it's because I missed me more.
And after that I turned to my friends and continued to dance as if nothing had happened, and that's when I realized what I said was not just to attack him, I really missed me more.
This story was based on the song Miss Me More
(Kelsea Ballerini) and written by us (the blog http://dontstopbeliveing.blogspot.com.br)
Miss Me More (Kelsea Ballerini)
I retired my red lipstick 'cause you said you didn't like it
I didn't wear my high heel shoes
'Cause I couldn't be taller than you
I didn't wanna lose my friends, but now it's hard to even find them
It's what you wanted, ain't it?
It's what you wanted
I thought I'd miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn't)
I thought I'd miss you
I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
I miss me more
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more (I miss me more)
I put on my old records that I hid in the back of the closet
And I turn them up to ten
And then I played them all again
I found my independence
Can't believe I ever lost it
What you wanted, ain't it?
It's what you wanted
I thought I'd miss you (when it ended)
I thought it hurt me (but it didn't)
I thought I'd miss you
Yeah, I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
(I miss me more)
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
Yeah, I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more (I miss me more)
I thought I'd miss you
I thought it hurt me
And I'd wanna kiss you
I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more
I miss my own beat, to my own snare drum
(I miss me more)
Miss my own sheets in the bed I made up
I forgot I had dreams, I forgot I had wings
Forgot who I was before I ever kissed you
And I thought I'd miss you
But I miss me more
(I miss me more)
(I miss me more)
(I miss me more)
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